you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
