I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
