So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
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And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
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Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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