i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
