home. puking in laundry basket.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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