hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am puke
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
