They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
