Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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