I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
