i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
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I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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