I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
