If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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