i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
