you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
