I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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