I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
