My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
