He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
