I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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