eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
