Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
