I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
