Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
