2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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