used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
