My vagina just recognized that song.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
