Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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