I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
