i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
