I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
