so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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