AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
