I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
