I just made out with a guy for $7.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
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You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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