So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
