You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
