Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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