u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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