her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
