Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize