This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
