Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
