How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
