His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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