He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
