I wish I only lived at night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
