I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
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I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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