Jerry, you need to find god
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
