Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This baby is an asshole
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
