So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
