so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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