you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
