i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's no shave November. This is our time.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
