Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
