I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
