So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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