Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
