alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
