better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
