the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
