After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We left an ass print on the piano.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
