he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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